Use them or lose them.

Words are powerful, but if they stay stored in the mind they are useless. This place is my opportunity to uncover some of the words buried in me, a little bit at a time. In an effort to build something, I have consistently posted, even if it is a musing or meandering.

This gives me an outlet and keeps the fires stoked. Every day can’t be profound, but in sum total, the days shift to the remarkable.

Between motivation and laziness.

The weekend brings a feeling that I should be doing something with the time. That any amount of sitting around engaged in pointless leisure should somehow carry a guilt. This is a feeling that I can’t seem to be free of.

I’ve always read and observed that people who “get places” basically never stop working and there is a part of me that has internalized that idea and told me not to stop moving. In the mean time I will spend hours considering what I should be doing, sitting in the thoughts and never acting on them. This is equally useless. Maybe I’m overthinking?

Maybe I have too high of a standard for my own conduct. So high that I can’t hope to achieve it. I believe it is valuable to take stock of where you are and wish to be, but perhaps the latter notion is detrimental if you don’t have a precise target. A lack of a specific and measurable level of success can make the searching seem daunting.

There is also a part of me that wants to continue down the road of being a Jack of All Trades. My knowledge will be wide and varied in scope, but mastery may elude me for a lifetime. This carries a weight of its own. To know that mastery is something I may only observe in others. But I cannot be outside myself looking toward this person to see if there is already some form of mastery that I am blind to. Maybe my particular brand of creativity is not one particular thing, but in all things I attempt with conviction. Does that make me a living? Not really. In fact it poses more questions than answers.

But I am a seeker: of ideas, of skills, of wisdom, of experience. There is always more to learn.

Malaise.

Though it has faded, the start of this week brought a familiar malaise over me. My guts felt as though they had been set on fire. I am sure this is a combination of less than ideal nutrition and general stresses of the day, but it was a stark reminder of how far I can be from normal.

Now that the soreness has faded I feel grateful. Ready to take on the rest of the week. Slow and steady wins the race.

Let’s go.